These letters were sent between January 48 and August 47 B.C.
The translation is by E.O. Winstedt (1918). Click on the L symbols to go to the Latin text of each section. Click on ** to go to the translator's footnotes.
CONTENTS: 1 2 3 4 4a 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 17a 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25
← Book 10
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I got your sealed document, which Anteros brought. It gave me no information about my private affairs. I am exceedingly distressed about them, because Philotimus, who managed them, is not at Rome, nor do I know where in the world he is. And my whole hope of preserving my credit and private property lies in your tried and proved kindness towards me. If in this last desperate crisis you still show that, I shall face the dangers which I share with others more courageously: and I implore and beseech
you to do so. 2 I have in cistophorus currency ** in Asia nearly 2,200,000 sestertii. By a bill of exchange for that amount it will be easy for you to maintain my credit. Unless I had thought I were leaving it all square (trusting one, whom you have long since known I ought not to have trusted), I should have delayed a little longer and not left my private concerns embarrassed. The reason why I have been rather long in writing to you about it, is that I was a long time in gathering what was to be feared. Again and again I beseech you that you undertake to protect me in every way, so that, supposing my present associates are spared, I may along with them remain unembarrassed and put down my safety to your kindness.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I received your letter on the 4th of February, and on the same day I accepted the inheritance formally according to the will. Of my many and miserable anxieties one is taken away, if, as you say, this inheritance is sufficient to maintain my credit and reputation, though I know you would have defended it even without the inheritance with all your resources. 2 As for what you write about the dowry ** I beg you for heaven's sake to manage the whole business and protect the poor girl, a victim of my culpable carelessness, with my funds, if there are any, and out of your own, so far as you can without inconvenience. Please do not let her remain in the utter want you depict. On what are the rents of my farms being wasted? That 500 sestertii of which you write, no one ever told me that it had been kept back out of the dowry, for I would never have allowed it. But that is the least of the blows I have suffered. I cannot write to you about them for sorrow and tears. 3 Of the money I had in Asia I have called in nearly half. It would appear to be safer where it is than with the tax-collectors.
As for your exhortations to be of good courage, I wish you could find some reason why I should be so. If, on the top of my other sorrows, there comes that which Chrysippus said is under consideration (you gave me no hint), I mean the confiscation of my town house, I am the most wretched man alive. I pray and beseech you pardon me. I can write no more. You see, I am sure, with what a weight of misery I am oppressed. If I shared it with others, who seem to be in the same predicament, I should feel less blameworthy and bear it better. Now I have no consolation unless you can arrange, if it is now possible, that I may not be visited with any special disaster and harm.
4 I have been rather slow in sending back your letter-carrier, because there was no opportunity of sending him. From your agents I have received some 70,000 sestertii and the necessary clothing. Please send letters to any people you think right in my name. You know my intimate friends. If they notice the absence of my seal or handwriting, please say I have avoided using them owing to the sentries.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
What is happening here you may gather from the bearer of your letter. I have kept him longer than I should, because every day I am expecting something fresh to happen, and there was no reason for sending him even now, except the subject on which you ask for an answer, namely what I wish as to the first of July. ** Both courses are dangerous, both the risk of such a sum of money at such a dangerous time, and the breaking with Dolabella, which you mention, while the political issue is still uncertain. Accordingly I will leave this matter in particular like others to your kind care, and to the consideration and desire of poor Tullia, whose interests would have been better consulted, if originally I had discussed our safety and fortunes with you in person rather than by letter.
2 You say there is no trouble threatening me especially in this public misfortune. There is a little consolation in that, but there are many circumstances special to me, which you must see are very serious and might easily have been avoided. However they will be less serious, if, as hitherto, they are lightened by your care and management.
3 The money is with Egnatius. Let it remain there, so far as I am concerned: for things cannot last long as they are, so that I shall soon know what is most necessary. However, I am in want of everything, because the man I am with ** too is in great straits and I have lent him a large sum of money, thinking that, when things settle down, that will bring me honour as well as profit. Please, as before, if there are any persons to whom you think I ought to write, do it for me. Pay my greetings to your family. Take care of your health. Above all, as you say, make every careful provision that nothing maybe wanting to my daughter, on whose account you know I am very unhappy.
June 13, at the camp.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I have received your letter by Isidorus and two written later. From the last I understand that the property did not sell. So please see to her support yourself. As to the estate at Frusino, if only I am to enjoy the fruits, it will be convenient for me. You say I owe you a letter. Well, I am hindered by want of matter, having nothing worth writing; for nothing that happens and nothing that is done has my approbation at all. If only I could talk with you instead of writing! Here to the best of my power I conserve your interests with these people. The rest Celer will do. Hitherto I have avoided every office, especially as it was impossible for anything to be done in a way that suited me and my fortunes.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
You ask what new moves have been made. Isidorus will tell you. I don't think the rest of the task will be any more difficult. Please pay attention to what you know is my greatest wish, as you say you are doing. I am overwhelmed by care, and that brings with it also great bodily infirmity. When that has passed, I shall go to the man who is conducting the business and who is in high hopes. ** Brutus is friendly; and takes a keen part in the cause.
That is all that I can prudently commit to paper. Farewell. About the second instalment of Tullia's dowry, please consider carefully what ought to be done, as I said in the letter, which Pollex took.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
What were the reasons, how bitter, how grave and unforeseen, which swayed me and compelled me to act by a kind of impulse rather than by reflection, I cannot bring myself to write without great agony of mind. So weighty were they that they have brought about what you see. Accordingly I do not know what to tell you about my affairs nor what to ask of you. You can see for yourself the sum and substance of the matter.
For my part I have gathered from your letters - both that which you wrote in conjunction with others and the one you wrote in your own name - what I saw myself too, that you are somewhat disconcerted by my sudden move, and are looking for some new means of protecting me. 2 I don't quite see how I can do as you suggest and come nearer to Rome, travelling through towns at night. For I have not suitable stopping-places to spend all the days in; nor, for the point you are aiming at, does it much matter whether I am seen in towns or on the road. However I will consider how this plan, as well as others, can most conveniently be carried out.
3 I am so fearfully upset both in mind and body that I have not been able to write many letters; I have only answered those who have written to me. I should like you to write in my name to Basilus and to anyone else you like, even to Servilius, and say whatever you think fit. From this letter you will quite understand that the reason why I have not written to you at all for such a long time, is that I had nothing to write about, not that I did not wish to write.
4 For your query about Vatinius, neither he nor anyone else would fail in service to me, if they could find any means of helping me. Quintus showed the bitterest ill-feeling to me at Patrae. His son came thither from Corcyra: and I suppose they have set out from there with the others.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I see you are anxious about your own fate and the fate of us all, and especially about me and my sorrows; but my sorrows are not lessened one whit by the addition of yours in sympathy, they are even increased. Of course your own intelligence makes you feel what consolation can comfort me most: for you approve of my plan and say that under the circumstances I could not have done anything better. You add something, which does not weigh with me so much as your judgement, though it has some weight, that every one else - I mean every one else who matters - approves of what I did. 2 If I could persuade myself of that, I should feel less sorrow. "Believe me," you say. I do believe you; but I know how anxious you are to relieve my sorrow. I have never regretted leaving the camp. Cruelty was so rampant there, and there was so close an alliance with barbarian nations, that a plan was sketched out for a proscription not of persons but of whole classes; and everybody had made up their minds that the property of you all was to be the prize of his victory. I say "you" advisedly, for none but the cruellest thoughts were entertained about you personally. So I shall never regret my resolve; but I do regret my plan of action. I wish I had settled down in some town, till I was called for. There would have been less talk about me, less pain for me; this particular regret at any rate would not be worrying me. To remain inactive at Brundisium is annoying from every point of view. And how can I go nearer to Rome, as you advise, without the lictors given me by the people? They cannot be taken from me without depriving me of my rights. Only lately, as I was approaching Brundisium, I made them mix with the crowd with nothing but sticks in their hands for fear the soldiery might attack them: 3 ever since I have kept at home. I have written to Oppius and to Balbus, asking them to consider how I can move nearer to Rome. I think they will advise me to do so. For they promise that Caesar will be anxious not only to preserve my dignity, but even to increase it; and they bid me be of good cheer and entertain the highest of hopes. This they warrant and guarantee. Personally I should have felt surer about it, if I had stayed where I was. But that is harping on the past; so pray look to the future and investigate the matter with them, and, if you think it necessary and they approve, call in Trebonius, Pansa and anyone else you like, that I may win Caesar's approval by appearing to follow his friends' advice, and let them write to Caesar, telling him that, what I have done, I did at their advice.
4 My dear Tullia's illness and weakness frightens me to death. I understand you are taking great care of her, and I am very grateful. 5 About Pompey's end I never had any doubt. For despair of his success had so completely taken possession of the minds of all the kings and peoples, that I thought this would happen to him, wherever he might go. I cannot help feeling sorry for his fate, for I knew him to be a man of honour and high moral principle. 6 Am I to condole with you about Fannius? He used to speak virulently of you for staying in Rome. L. Lentulus, you know, had promised himself Hortensius' house, Caesar's gardens, and a place at Baiae. Precisely the same is taking place on this side too, except that on the other there was no limit. For they counted every one who stayed in Italy as an enemy. But I would rather speak of this sometime when I am less worried.
7 I hear my brother Quintus has set out for Asia to make his peace. About his son I have heard nothing; but ask Diochares, Caesar's freedman, who brought those letters from Alexandria. I have not seen him. He is said to have seen Quintus either on the way, or was it already in Asia? I am looking forward to a letter from you, as the occasion demands. Please try to get it conveyed to me as soon as possible.
November 27.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I am much obliged to you for your letter, in which you have recorded carefully everything you think concerns me. So you say that they approve both of my actions, and of my keeping my lictors, as Sestius is allowed to keep his: though in his case I think it is not so much a question of being allowed to keep them as of their being assigned to him by Caesar himself. For I am told he repudiates all the decrees of the Senate which were passed after the departure of the tribunes. ** So, if he wants to be consistent, he will be able to approve my lictors.
2 However, what is the use of talking about lictors, when I have almost been ordered to leave Italy? For Antony has sent me a copy of a letter from Caesar, in which he said he had heard that Cato and L. Metellus had come to Italy and intended to live openly at Rome: that he did not like, for fear it might cause some disturbance: and that none may enter Italy, until he has himself investigated their case. He put the point very strongly. So Antony wrote asking my pardon, and saying he could not help obeying the letter. Then I sent L. Lamia to him to point out that Caesar had told Dolabella to write and tell me to come to Italy as soon as possible: and that it was on the strength of that letter that I had come. Then Antony issued an edict excepting myself and Laelius by name. I wish he had not done that: he might have made an exception without mentioning names.
3 What a heap of troubles and how serious too! And you are doing your best to make them lighter, and with some success - indeed that you try so hard to relieve me is some relief in itself. I hope you won't find it a burden to do so as often as possible. But you will succeed in your object best, if you can convince me that I have not entirely lost the good opinion of the loyal party. Yet what can you do in that matter? Nothing of course. But, if anything gives a chance, that is what will best console me. I see that at present it is impossible: but if anything does turns up, as in this present case. It used to be said that I ought to have gone with Pompey: but now his death tends to absolve me from blame for neglecting my duty in that case. But where I am thought to have been most lacking is in not going to Africa. My view was that barbarian auxiliaries drawn from a most deceitful race ** were not the proper persons to defend the State, especially against an army which had won so many victories. That view may not meet with approval; for I hear that many patriots have arrived in Africa, and I know there were some there before. This is a point that really bothers me: and here again I must trust to luck, that there may be some of them, or, if such a thing is possible, all of them, who put safety first. For, if they hold fast and succeed, you can see what a position I shall be in. You will say "How about it, if they are defeated?" That is a more honourable blow. This is what tortures me. 4 However, you have not told me why you do not prefer Sulpicius' policy ** to mine. It may not be so glorious as Cato's: but it is at any rate free from danger and regret. The last case is that of those who stayed in Achaia. Even they are in a better position than I am, because there are many of them together, and, when they do come to Italy, they will go straight home. Please continue your efforts to ameliorate my position and to win over as many people as possible to approval.
5 You explain why you do not come. Yes, I know your reasons and think it is to my interest that you should stay where you are, for one thing that you may be able to carry out any necessary negotiations about me with the proper persons, as you have done. And in the first place I should like to call your attention to this point. I think there are many who have reported or will report to Caesar either that I am repenting of my policy or that I do not approve of recent events. Though both are true, they say it out of spite against me, not because they have seen it to be so. Everything rests on the support of Balbus and Oppius, and on their confirming Caesar's good will to me by sending him frequent letters. Please do your best to bring this about. 6 The other reason why I prefer you not to leave is that you say Tullia begs for your assistance. What a misfortune! What can I say? What can I even wish? I will cut the matter short, for tears spring to my eyes at once. I give you a free hand: do you look to it. Only take care that nothing is done under the present circumstances to offend the great man. I crave your pardon. Tears and sorrow prevent me from dwelling any longer on this topic. I will only add that nothing makes me feel more grateful to you than your love for her.
7 You are quite right to send letters for me to anyone to whom you think it necessary. I have met a man who saw young Quintus at Samos and his father at Sicyon. They will easily obtain their pardon. I only hope, that, as they will see Caesar first, they will think fit to further my case with him, as much as I should have furthered theirs, if I had been able.
8 You ask me to take it in good part, if there is anything in your letters that wounds my feelings. I promise you to take it in the best possible part, and I beg you to write everything quite openly, as you do, and to do so as often as possible. Farewell.
Dec. 17
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Though of course you see for yourself in what distress I am, you will learn more about it from Lepta and Trebatius. I am paying very heavily for my rashness, which you want to persuade me was prudence: and I don't want to stop you arguing that it was and writing to me to that effect as often as possible. For your letters afford me a good deal of relief under the present circumstances. You must use your utmost endeavour with those who are my supporters and have influence with him - Balbus and Oppius especially - to make them write about me as strongly as possible. For I hear that I am being attacked by some who are with him, and also by letter. Their attack must be met, as the importance of the matter demands. 2 Fufius, a very bitter enemy of mine, ** is there. Quintus sent his son not only to make peace for himself, but to accuse me. He keeps saying that I am trying to set Caesar against him, though Caesar and all his friends deny it. And he does not cease, wherever he is, from heaping all sorts of abuse on me. It is the most surprising thing that ever happened to me and the bitterest of all my present sorrows. Those who reported the matter to me professed to have heard it from his own lips, when he was slandering me at Sicyon in the hearing of many. You know his way; indeed you may have had some personal experience of it. Now it is all turned on me. But I increase my own sorrow, and yours too, by speaking of it. So I return to my first point. Take care that Balbus sends some one expressly for this purpose. Please send letters in my name to anyone you think should have them. Farewell.
Dec. 18
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I have certainly acted incautiously, as you say, and more hastily than I should; and I have no hope seeing that I am tied here by the special clause in the edict. If that had not been inserted by your own kind efforts, I might have gone to some lonely retreat. Now not even that is open to me. How does it help me that I came before the tribunes entered on office, ** when my coming at all does not help? And what have I now to hope from a man who never was friendly with me, when my ruin and humiliation is secured even by law? Balbus' letters to me are becoming daily cooler, and it may be he receives dozens against me. My own fault is my ruin. Fortune has brought no ills upon me: I have brought them all on my own head. For when I saw what kind of war it was going to be, one side unprepared and weak and the other thoroughly well prepared, I had made my plan - not a very courageous plan perhaps, but one for which there were special excuses in my case. 2 I gave way to my relations, or rather I obeyed them. What the real feelings of one of them ** were - the one for whom you speak - you will know from the letters he has sent to you and to others. I should never have opened them, had it not been for the following circumstance. A packet was brought to me. I undid it to see if there was any letter for me. There was none; but one for Vatinius and another for Ligurius. Those I had sent to them. They came to me at once boiling with indignation and crying shame on him, and they read me letters full of all kinds of abuse of myself. Then Ligurius burst out with fury, "to his certain knowledge Caesar detested Quintus and had favoured him and given him all that money out of compliment to me." After this blow I wanted to know what he had said to the others: for I thought it would be disastrous to his own reputation if such a scandal got abroad. I found they were all of a piece, and have sent them to you. If you think it will do him any good to have them delivered, have them delivered. It won't do me any harm. Though the seals are broken, I think Pomponia has his signet. When, at the beginning of our voyage, he adopted this bitter tone, I was so upset that I was prostrated afterwards; and now he is said to be working against me rather than for himself.
3 So I am weighed down by such a heavy burden of griefs that I can hardly bear up under it; indeed, I cannot possibly bear up under it. And among all my miseries there is one that outweighs all the rest - that I shall leave that poor girl ** deprived of her patrimony and penniless. So I hope you will fulfil your promise and look after her. I have no one else to entrust her to, for I hear that her mother is threatened with the same fate as myself. ** If you do not find me here, take this as sufficient injunction as regards her, and soften her uncle towards her as far as you can.
This I am writing on my birthday. Would that I had been left to die on the day of my birth, or that my mother had never had another child. Tears prevent me from writing more.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
To my sorrows, which are incalculable, there has come an addition in the news that is brought me about the two Quinti. My friend P. Terentius was acting as deputy to the collector of port-dues and pasture tax in Asia, and he saw young Quintus at Ephesus on the 8th of December and gave him a cordial invitation on account of our friendship. And when he asked him something about me, Quintus told him that I was his deadliest enemy and showed him the manuscript of a speech which he said he was going to deliver before Caesar against me. Terentius said all he could to dissuade him from such folly. Afterwards at Patrae the elder Quintus talked freely to him in the same scandalous strain. What a rage he is in you will have inferred from the letters I sent you. I am sure this will grieve you. To me it is positive torture, especially as I don't expect I shall even have a chance of expostulating with them.
2 The news I get about the state of affairs in Africa is quite different to what you sent me. They say that all is as strong and as ready as possible. Then there are Spain and Italy alienated from Caesar; his legions are not what they were either in strength or in loyalty; and in the city things are in a poor plight; I cannot get a moment's peace except when I am reading your letters. They would certainly be more frequent, if you had any news which you thought would lighten my sorrows. Still I beg you not to neglect writing to me, whatever the news may be; and, if you cannot bring yourself to hate those who have shown such unfeeling hostility to me, at any rate reprove them, not in the hope of doing any good, but to make them feel that I am dear to you. I will write more, if you answer the last letter I sent. Farewell.
Jan. 19.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Worn out as I am by the agony of my grievous sorrows I should not find it an easy task to write to you, even if there were anything I ought to write; and it is far less easy, when I have nothing worth writing, especially as there is not even a gleam of hope for better days. So hopeless am I that now I do not look forward even to your letters, though they always bring me something I like to hear. So pray write, whenever you have a messenger. I have no answer to give to your last letter, though it is a long time since I received it, for I see no change in the long interval: the right cause is strong, and I am paying very heavily for my folly.
2 The 30,000 sestertii which I had from Cn. Sallustius are to be paid to P. Sallustius. Please see that it is done without delay. I have written to Terentia about it. And now it is nearly all spent: so I wish you would arrange with her for some money for me to go on with. I shall possibly be able to get some here, if I know I have a balance at Rome; but, before I know that, I dare not try. You see the position of all my affairs. There is no sort of misfortune which I am not enduring and expecting. For this state of affairs I feel the greater sorrow, because my fault is greater. My brother in Achaia does not cease slandering me. Your letter has of course had no effect. Farewell.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Cephalio delivered a letter from you on the 8th of March in the evening. Now on the morning of the same day I had sent messengers and had given them a letter for you. But, when I read yours, I thought I ought to send some answer, particularly because you show you are in doubt as to what explanation I am going to offer Caesar of my departure when I did depart from Italy. I have no necessity for a new explanation, for I have often told him myself and instructed others to tell him that I could not put up with people's talk, although I wished it, and much else to the same effect. For there is nothing that I should be more unwilling for him to imagine than that I did not make up my own mind on so important a question. Afterwards I received a letter from Cornelius Balbus the younger saying that Caesar thought my brother Quintus had sounded the bugle for my departure (that was his expression). I was not then aware of what Quintus had written about me to many people; but, though he had spoken and acted with great bitterness when face to face with me, none the less I wrote to Caesar as follows: 2 "I am as much troubled about my brother Quintus as about myself; but under the present circumstances I do not venture to recommend him to you. One thing, however, I will venture to ask you - I beseech you to acquit him of doing anything to disturb my sense of your claims on me or to lessen my affection for you, and rather to regard him as the main factor of our union and the companion, not the leader, in my departure. And therefore in all other matters you will give him all the credit that your own kindness and your mutual friendship demands. What I earnestly beg you again and again is, that you will not let me stand in his light with you."
3 So, if I ever do meet Caesar, though I have no doubt that he will be lenient to Quintus and that he has already made that plain, I shall behave as I always have behaved. But, as I see, what I ought to be most anxious about is Africa, which you say is daily growing stronger, though only to the extent of raising hopes of a compromise rather than a victory. If it could only be true! But I read the signs quite differently, and I think you agree with me, and only say the contrary to hearten me, not to deceive me, especially as Spain too has now joined Africa. **
4 You advise me to write to Antony and others. If you think it necessary, please do it for me, as you have often done before; for I cannot think of anything worth writing. You hear I am less broken-spirited; but can you believe it, when you see that to my former troubles are now added my son-in-law's fine doings? ** However, pray do not cease doing what you can to hearten me, that is writing to me, even if you have nothing to say. For a letter from you always brings me something.
I have accepted Galeo's legacy. I suppose it only required a simple form of acceptance, ** since none was sent to me.
March 8.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I have not received any letter from Murena's freedman as yet. It was P. Siser who delivered the one I am answering. You speak of a letter from Servius' father, and you tell me some say that Quintus has landed in Syria: neither is true. You want to be informed how those who have come here feel or felt towards me. I have not found any ill- disposed: but, how important that is to me, I am sure you can imagine. To me the whole state of affairs is insufferably painful; and most of all that I have got myself into such a position, that the only things that can be of any use to me are precisely what I have always wished not to happen. **
They say the elder P. Lentulus is at Rhodes, the younger at Alexandria, and it is certain that C. Cassius has left Rhodes for Alexandria. 2 Quintus has written to apologise to me in terms much more irritating than when he was abusing me most violently. For he says that he understands from your letter that you were annoyed with him for writing harshly about me to many people, and so he is sorry that he hurt your feelings: but he was right in what he did. Then he explains with the greatest coarseness why he did it. But he would never have shown his hatred for me either now or before, if he had not seen that everything was against me. How I wish I had got nearer to you, even by night-journeys as you suggested. Now I cannot conceive where or when I shall see you.
3 As to my co-heirs in Fufidius' property, there was no reason for you to write to me: for their demand is quite just, and anything you did I should think right. 4 As to the repurchase of the estate at Frusino, you know already what I wish. Though my affairs were then in a better position, and I did not expect to be in such desperate straits, still my mind has not altered. How it is to be done, you will arrange. And please consider to the best of your ability some way of obtaining ready money for current expenses. All the money I had I handed over to Pompey at a time when it seemed advisable to do so. So then I took money from your steward and borrowed from others, and now Quintus complains by letter that I did not give him a thing, when he never asked for it and I never set eyes on the money ** myself. But please see what can be managed and what advice you have to give me on all points: you know all about it.
5 Grief prevents me from writing more. If there is anything you think should be written to anyone in my name, please do so as usual; and as often as you have anyone to whom you can give a letter to me, don't forget it. Farewell.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I am not offended with you for telling me the truth in your letter and not even attempting, as you were wont, to console me under my burden of public and personal woes, which you confess is impossible now. For affairs are no longer in the position they were, when, if nothing else, I thought I had companions and partners in my policy. For all those in Achaia and in Asia, who petitioned for pardon and did not obtain it, and even some of those who did, are said to be on the point of sailing for Africa. So I have no one to share my fault except Laelius, and even he is in a better position than I am in one respect, as he has been taken back now. ** 2 But about me I have no doubt that Caesar has written to Balbus and Oppius: if the news had been good, I should have heard from them and they would have spoken to you too. I should like you to speak to them about it and to let me know what they say, not that any safeguard given by him can have any certainty, but still something can be foreseen and provided for. Though I am ashamed to look anyone in the face, especially with such a son-in-law, still in this disastrous crisis I see nothing else to wish for. 3 Quintus is still keeping on, as both Pansa and Hirtius have written to tell me; and he is said too to be making for Africa with the rest. I will write to Minucius at Tarentum, and send your letter: I will let you know whether anything comes of it. I should have been surprised that you were able to raise the 30,000 sestertii, if there had not been a good receipt from Fufidius' estates. However I am looking forward eagerly to your coming: it is my great desire to see you, if it is anyhow possible - for indeed circumstances demand it. The end is now drawing near; and, what it will be, it is easy to estimate at Rome, but here it is more difficult. Farewell.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Since you give good reasons why I cannot see you at the present time, pray consider what I am to do. For although Caesar holds Alexandria, he seems to be ashamed even to send a dispatch about it, while the others are apparently on the eve of coming here from Africa, and those in Achaia too are either going to return from Asia to join them or they are going to stop in some neutral place. So what do you think I am to do? I see advice is difficult. For I am the one and only person - except perhaps one other, who cannot return to the one party and who has no hope at all offered him from the other. Still I should like to know what you think: and that was one reason, among others, why I should have liked to see you, if it were possible.
2 I told you before that Minucius has only paid 12,000 sestertii. Please see that the rest is provided. Quintus in his letter instead of an earnest appeal used the most bitter language, and his son showed extraordinary animosity. There is no conceivable ill with which I am not oppressed. But all of them are lighter to bear than my sense of guilt: that is overwhelming and enduring. If I were to have those, whom I thought I had, to share that guilt, that would still be some consolation, though a poor one. But every one else's case admits of some way out, mine of none. Some were captured, some cut off, so there is no doubt about their intentions, especially since they have extricated themselves and joined forces again. Even those, who of their own free will came to Fufius, ** can only be thought cowards. But there are many who will be taken back, however they choose to take themselves back to the fold. So you ought not to be surprised that I cannot bear up against all my sorrow. For I am the one and only person whose slip cannot be mended, except perhaps Laelius - and what good is that? - for they say even C. Cassius has changed his mind about going to Alexandria.
3 This I am writing to you not in the hope that you may remove my care, but to know whether you have any suggestion to make about the things that are wearing me out: to the rest you may add my son-in-law and other things which tears prevent me from writing. Why, even Aesopus' son ** grieves me sorely. There is absolutely nothing wanting to make me the most miserable of men. But I return to the first point. What do you think I ought to do, come secretly somewhere nearer Rome, or cross the sea? For stay here any longer I cannot.
4 Why could nothing be settled about Fufidius' estate? For the arrangement was one about which there is generally no dispute, since the share, which seems smaller, can be made up by the proceeds of the sale. ** I have a reason for asking. For I suspect my co-heirs think my case is doubtful, and so prefer to keep the matter open. Farewell.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
It is not my fault at the present time (for I did commit an error before) that the letter you send ** does not give me any consolation. For it is grudgingly written, and raises great suspicion that it is not by Caesar: I expect you noticed that too. About going to meet him I will do as you advise. For no one thinks he is coming, and those who come from Asia say there has been no word of peace: and it was hope of a peace that led me into this error.
I see nothing to make me think of hope, especially now that that blow has fallen in Asia, in Illyricum, in the Cassian affair, in Alexandria itself, in Rome and in Italy. ** For my part, even if he is on his return - whereas he is said to be still fighting - still I think the business will be settled before he does return.
2 You say, however, that some feeling of pleasure was aroused among the good men when they heard of this letter. Of course you do not omit anything in which you think there is the least consolation, but I cannot bring myself to believe that any of the good men supposed that I prize any salvation highly enough to beg for it of him: especially as I have not even a single partner in this policy now. Those who are in Asia are waiting to see how things turn out: those in Achaia too keep holding out to Fufius the hope that they will petition for pardon. They at first had the same fear and the same plan as myself; but the hitch at Alexandria improved their case and ruined mine. So I still make the same request of you as in former letters: if in these desperate straits you see anything you think I ought to do, tell me of it. If I am taken back by the loyalists, which you see is not the case, still, so long as the war lasts, I don't see what I am to do or where I am to stay; still less, if I am rejected by them. So I await a letter from you, and I beg you to write to me without hesitation.
3 You advise me to write to Quintus about this letter. I would, if the letter gave me any pleasure, though some one has written to me saying: "Considering the evil days, I am pretty comfortable at Patrae, and I should be more so, if your brother would speak of you as I should like to hear him." As to his writing to you to say that I don't answer any of his letters, I've only had one from him. To that I gave an answer to Cephalio, but he was delayed many months by storms. I have already mentioned that young Quintus has written to me most bitterly.
4 The last thing I have to ask you is, that, if you think it right and care to undertake it, you and Camillus together should advise Terentia to make her will. Circumstances suggest that she ought to make provision for satisfying her creditors. I hear from Philotimus that she is doing some underhand things. I can hardly believe it; but anyhow, if there is anything of the kind (and there possibly may be), it ought to be guarded against. Please write to me about everything, and especially what you think about her. I want your advice about her, even if you cannot think of any plan: for in that case I shall take it the case is desperate.
June 3.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I have given this letter to some one else's messengers, who are in a hurry. That is
why it is short; also because I am just going to send my own. Tullia came to me on the 12th of June and told me of all your attention and kindness to her and delivered three letters. I however have not derived the pleasure from her goodness, kindness and affection, which I ought to derive from a matchless daughter, indeed, my grief exceeds all bounds when I think that such a fine character should be involved in such a distressful fate, and that this should happen through no fault of hers, but through my own grave error. So I do not expect any consolation from you now, though I see you are ready to offer it, nor any counsel, since none can be taken: and I realise that you have tried every way in your former letters and in these last.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I am thinking of sending my son with Sallustius to Caesar. As for Tullia, I see no reason for keeping her with me any longer when both of us are in such sorrow: so I am going to send her back to her mother, as soon as she herself will allow me. In return for the letter which you wrote in a consolatory style, please consider that I have made the only answer, which, as you yourself know, was possible.
2 You tell me Oppius has had a talk with you: and what you say agrees well enough with my suspicions of him. But I feel sure that party ** can never be convinced that their actions can possibly win my approval, whatever I may say. However, I will be as moderate as I can: though, what difference it makes to me, if I do incur their enmity, I cannot conceive.
3 I see you have a good reason for not being able to come to me: and I am very sorry that is so. There is no news that Caesar has left Alexandria; and it is well known that no one at all has left that place since the 15th of March, and that he has despatched no letters since the 13th of December. So you see it was quite untrue about the letter dated February 9, though it would not have been of any importance, if it had been true. I hear L. Terentius has left Africa and come to Paestum. What news he brings, or how he got out, or what is happening in Africa, I should like to know. For he is said to have been passed out through the agency of Nasidius. What it all means, I wish you would write and tell me, if you find out. I will do as you say about the 10,000 sestertii. Farewell.
June 14.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
There is no rumour of his leaving Alexandria as yet: on the contrary, he is thought to be in great difficulties. So I am not sending my son, as I had arranged, and I beseech you to get me away from here: for any punishment is lighter to bear than staying here. On this point I have written to Antony, to Balbus and to Oppius. For whether there is going to be a war in Italy, or whether he will employ his fleet - and it may be either, but one it must be - this is a most inappropriate place for me. 2 I understood of course from what Oppius said according to your letter, how angry they are with me: but I beg you to turn their anger. I don't expect anything now that is not unpleasant: but my present condition is as desperate as anything can be. So please speak with Antony and the Caesarians, and see the matter through for me as best you can: and let me have an answer on all points as soon as possible. Farewell.
June 19.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
As I had a chance of giving a letter to your men, I did not miss it, though I have nothing to say. You are writing less often than you used to do and less fully, I suppose because you have nothing that you think I should be glad to read or hear. However please write, if there is anything of any kind whatever. There is one thing that I do long for, any possibility of a peace: myself I have no hope of such a thing: but, as you sometimes give a slight hint, you compel me to have some hope of what I hardly dare long for.
2 Philotimus is said to be coming on the 13th of August. Of Caesar I have no further news. Please answer my former letter. I only want time enough to take some precaution now in my misfortunes, as I have never taken any before. Farewell.
July 22.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
On the 14th of August there arrived from Seleucea Pieria C. Trebonius after 28 days' journey: and he said he had seen young Quintus at Antioch in Caesar's train with Hirtius. They had got what they wanted about my brother without any difficulty at all. I should feel more joy at that, if what I have got myself gave me some sure ground for hope. ** But there are things I have to fear from the Quinti and others: and Caesar's own regal concessions are again in his own power to revoke. 2 He has even pardoned Sallustius. Indeed he is said not to deny anyone, and that in itself arouses a suspicion that he is only deferring investigation. M. Gallius, son of Quintus, has given back his slaves to Sallustius. He came ** to transport the legions to Sicily, and he says Caesar is going from Patrae to Sicily. If he does, I shall come nearer Rome, and I wish I had done so already. I am expecting eagerly your answer to my last request for advice. Farewell.
August 15.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
On August 25 I received a letter from you dated Aug. 19, and, on reading it, the sorrow which possessed me long ago at Quintus' shameful conduct, but which I had now laid aside, was reawakened in all its force. Though you could not possibly have helped sending me that letter, I wish it had not been sent.
For the points you mention about the will, please see what is to be done and how. About the money, Terentia has written to me just what I suggested to you before, and, if I need it, I will draw on the sum you mention. 2 Caesar probably won't reach Athens by the 1st of September. There are said to be many things that keep him in Asia, especially Pharnaces. The 12th legion, which Sulla visited first, is said to have driven him off with stones, and it is thought none of them will stir. Caesar it is supposed will go straight from Patrae to Sicily. But, if so, he must come here. I should have preferred him to go straight there, for I should have got away from here somehow. Now I am afraid I must wait for him, and in addition to other afflictions my poor daughter must endure this unhealthy climate.
3 You advise me to make my actions fit the times. I would, if circumstances permitted, and it were anyhow possible. But what with all my own mistakes and the wrongs inflicted on me by my family, there is nothing worthy of myself that I can do or even pretend to do. You compare Sulla's reign: that in principle was all that could be noble, but it was rather too lacking in moderation. The present crisis however is such that I forget myself, and should much prefer the public cause to win rather than that with which my interests are bound up. However, please write to me as often as possible, especially as no one else writes, and, if all the world were writing, I should still look forward to your letters more than any. You say Caesar will be kinder to Quintus for my sake: but I told you before he had made every concession to young Quintus, without mentioning me. Farewell.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Balbus' letter-carrier delivered the packet quite promptly. For I have got a letter from you in which you seem to doubt whether I received those letters. I wish they had never been delivered: for they increased my sorrow, and, if they had fallen into anyone's hands, they would not have told them anything new. For his hatred of me and the kind of letters he writes are common knowledge. Even Caesar, when he sent them to your friends, seems to have done it, not to show his annoyance at Quintus' disgraceful conduct, but, I suppose, to make my misfortunes better known. You say you are afraid they may do Quintus some harm, and you are trying to remedy it. Why, Caesar did not even wait to be asked about him. That does not annoy me: what is more annoying is that the favours granted to me have no real value.
2 Sulla, I believe, will be here to-morrow with Messalla. They are hurrying to him, hounded away by the soldiers, who refuse to go anywhere, until they get their pay. So, though people thought he would not, he will be coming here; but not in a hurry. For he is travelling slowly, and he is stopping many days in each town. Then, however he manages things, Pharnaces must delay him. So what do you think about me? For already I am scarcely capable physically of bearing this bad climate, which adds ill-health to my troubles. Shall I commission these people, who are going to him, to make my excuses, and come nearer Rome? Please give the point your attention and help me with your advice, which you have not done in spite of many requests. I know it is a knotty question: but, as there is a choice of evils, the mere sight of you is something to me. If I get that, I shall have made some advance. Please attend to the will, as you promise.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Camillus has written to me saying that you have spoken to him on the subject ** about which I suggested you should consult with him. Now I am expecting a letter from you: only I don't see how the thing is to be changed, if it is not as it ought to be. But, when I got a letter from him, I looked for one from you, though I suppose you did not know the post was going. I only hope you are well: for you said you had an attack of some kind of illness.
2 A man of the name of Agusius came from Rhodes on the 8th of July. He tells me young Quintus set out to go to Caesar on May 29th, and Philotimus arrived at Rhodes the day before with a letter for me. You will hear Agusius himself: but he is travelling rather slowly. So I arranged to give this to some one who was going more quickly. What there is in that letter, I don't know, but my brother Quintus offers me hearty congratulations. For my part after my great mistake I cannot even imagine anything that can possibly be endurable to me. 3 I beg you to think of my poor girl, both as regards the point about which I wrote lately - making some arrangement to avoid destitution - and also as regards the will itself. The other thing too I wish I had attended to before; but I was afraid of everything. In this very bad business there was nothing better than a divorce. I should have done something like a man, either on the score of his cancelling of debts or his night attacks on houses, ** or Metella or all his sins together: I should not have lost the money, and I should have shown some manly spirit. I remember of course your letter, but I remember the circumstances too: still anything would have been better than this. Now he seems to be giving notice of divorce himself; for I have heard about the statue of Clodius. To think that a son-in-law of mine above all people should do such a thing as that, or abolish debts! So I agree with you we must serve a notice of divorce on him. Perhaps he will ask for the third instalment of the dowry. So consider whether we should wait for a move of his or act first. ** If I can possibly manage it, even by night journeys, I will try to see you. Please write to me about this and anything else it may interest me to know. Farewell.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
What you wrote to me some time ago and to Tullia too about me, with the intention that it should be passed on to me, I feel to be true. It adds to my misery, though I thought nothing could be added, that, when I have received the deepest injury, ** I cannot show anger or even annoyance with impunity. So I must put up with that. And when I have borne that blow, I shall still have to suffer what you warn me to guard against. For I have got myself into such trouble, that, whatever the state of affairs or the feelings of the people may be, the result for me apparently will be the same.
2 But here I take the pen myself; for I shall have to deal with confidential matters. Please see to the will even now, as it was made when she had begun to get into difficulties. She did not bother you, I think; for she did not even ask me about it. But, supposing that is so, since you have broached the subject already, you will be able to advise her to deposit it with some one whose position is not affected by this war. Myself I would rather you were the person, if she agrees to that. The fact is I am keeping the poor woman in the dark as to that fear of mine.**
For that other matter, I know of course that nothing can be put up for sale now, but things could be put away and hidden, so that they escape the crash which is threatening. 3 For, when you write that my fortune and yours are at Tullia's service, I believe you as to yours, but what can there be of mine? Now as to Terentia, I omit lots of other things, for what can one add to this? You wrote asking her to remit tome by bill of exchange 12,000 sestertii, saying that was the balance. She sent me 10,000 sestertii, adding that that was all the balance. If she purloins so trifling an amount from so small a total, you can see what she has been doing in the case of larger sums.
4 Not a trace of Philotimus as yet: indeed, he has not even informed me by letter or messenger what he has done. Those who come from Ephesus say they saw him there going into court about some lawsuits of his own, which possibly - indeed in all probability - are deferred till Caesar's arrival. So I suppose he either has nothing which he thinks he need hurry to bring to me, or I have sunk so low in my misfortunes that, even if he has, he does not take the trouble to bring it until he has finished all his own business. And that causes me considerable annoyance, but not so much as I think it ought. For I don't think anything matters much less to me than what answer he brings back from that quarter. Why, I am quite sure you know.
5 You advise me to mould my looks and words according to circumstances. It is difficult, but I would put a rein on myself, if I thought it mattered to me at all. You say you think the African business can be arranged by an interchange of letters: I wish you would say, why you think so: for I can't imagine any reason for thinking it possible. However please write to me, if there is anything that would give me a crumb of comfort: but, if, as I see is the case, there is nothing, write and tell me that. If I hear anything first I will write to you. Farewell.
August 6.
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I can quite believe what you explain at some length in your letter, that no advice of yours can assist me: and certainly there is no consolation which can relieve my sorrow. For none of my misfortunes has come upon me by fate - that would have been endurable - but I have brought all on myself by my mistakes and my mental and bodily afflictions, which I only wish my nearest and dearest had thought fit to remedy. So, as there is no hope of any advice from you or any consolation, I will not ask for them henceforth: only please do not cease from writing to me anything that may occur to you, when you have anyone to send it by, and so long as there is anyone to send it to; which will not be long.
2 There is a rumour, though not a very certain one, that Caesar has left Alexandria. It came first from a letter of Sulpicius, and has been confirmed by all subsequent messengers. Whether to prefer it to be false or true, I don't know, as it does not matter to me.
3 As I told you already about the will I should like it to be preserved in a safe place. I am worn out and harassed by the suffering of my unhappy daughter. I don't think there ever was such a child of misfortune. If I can do anything for her in any way, I wish you would suggest it to me. I see there will be the same difficulty as there was before in giving me advice: but this causes me more anxiety than anything. It was blind of me to pay the second instalment. I wish I had not: but that is over and done with. I beg you to do your best, as it is in the last extremity, to collect and get together what you can from the sale of plate and furniture, of which there is a good deal, and put it in a safe place. ** For now I think the end is near, there will be no peace negotiations, and the present government will collapse even without an adversary. As to this speak to Terentia too at your convenience, if you think fit. I cannot write everything. Farewell.
July 5.
1. An Asiatic coin bearing as a device the cista of Dionysius half opened with a snake creeping out of it.
2. The second instalment of Tullia's dowry due to Dolabella before July; cf. xi, 3. Dowries were paid in three instalments.
3. When the second instalment of Tullia's dowry fell due.
4. Pompey.
5. i.e. Pompey, who had won a temporary success by piercing Caesar's lines.
6. Cilicia had been assigned by the senate to Sestius in the days following 7 January 49.
7. The Numidians, whose king, Juba, allied himself with the republicans.
8. After Pharsalia Sulpicius retired to the island of Samos.
9. The manuscripts read 'Furnius' which can hardly be right because Cicero and C. Furnius were on very friendly terms.
10. i.e. 10 December, when the tribunes entered office.
11. Quintus senior.
12. Tullia.
13. Confiscation of property.
14. After his victory in Spain in 49 B.C., Caesar left Q. Cassius Longinus in command there; but Spain went over to Pompey and both Longinus and his successor, C. Trebonius, were driven out.
15. Dolabella as tribune endeavoured to introduce a bill for the relief of debtors, which caused riots.
16. 'cretio' = the formal acceptance of a legacy, and 'cretio simplex' apparently means that no restrictions on the form of acceptance were laid down in the will.
17. i.e. Caesar's victory.
18. The 2,200,000 sestertii left in Ephesus, half of which had been loaned to Pompey.
19. By the "good men".
20. Q. Fufius Calenus was appointed governor of Greece after Pharsalia by Caesar, and many Pompeians surrendered to him.
21. Aesopus was a famous tragic actor and a friend of Cicero. His son was dissolute and supposed to have a bad influence on Dolabella.
22. If property could not be divided fairly among heirs, the indivisible part was put up for private auction among them and the proceeds divided.
23. A letter purporting to come from Caesar, but later found to be a forgery.
24. Cicero alludes to the defeat of Domitius Calvinus in Asia, the failure of Aulus Gabinius in Illyricum, the insurrection of Baetica, which forced Cassius to leave the province, Caesar's difficulties at Alexandria, the riots in Rome, and the mutinous state of the army in Italy.
25. Caesar's followers.
26. Or, as Tyrrell, "if the granting of such petitions afforded, in my opinion, any sure basis for hope."
27. Something may have dropped out of the Latin text, e.g. "he says that Sulla is coming to take", etc.
28. Terentia's will.
29. Alluding to Dolabella's amatory escapades. Metella, perhaps the daughter of Clodia, was married to the younger Lentulus Spinther and was notorious for her affairs with other men.
30. If Dolabella started the divorce proceedings, he could not claim the rest of the dowry, and would have to refund what had already been paid. If Tullia began them, part at least of the dowry would remain with him, unless she could prove misconduct.
31. From Dolabella.
32. That her property would be confiscated.
33. This seems to be the sense, though the reading is doubtful.
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